A BLUE TOOTH LOOKS LIKE A ROACH – OR A HEARING AID – PEOPLE WHO WEAR THEM DON’T REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS THEY LOOK – AND WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE SHOUT? DO THEY THINK THE PERSON THEY ARE TALKING TO IS DEAF?
STOP TEXTING AT THE LIGHT!!!! I AM IN A HURRY AND DON’T FEEL LIKE BEEPING 100 TIMES ALTHOUGH I MUST ADMIT I GET GREAT SATISFACTION WHEN I DO IT.
I AM A GOOD DRIVER, NO I AM A “GREAT DRIVER” DO YOU HEAR ME? A “GREAT DRIVER” – SO IF I SAY YOU’RE AN IDIOT ON THE ROAD CHANCES ARE THAT YOU ARE INDEED AN IDIOT. WHEN I SEE 80+ YEAR OLD MEN AND WOMEN DRIVING IT MAKES ME NUTZ
(PICTURE IT: THEIR LITTLE HANDS GRIPPED TIGHTLY ON THE WHEEL – UNABLE TO LOOK RIGHT OR LEFT BECAUSE THEY ARE SO INTENT IN STARING STRAIGHT AHEAD AND GOING 40 MPH IN A 55 MPH Z0NE)
GET OFF THE ROAD!!!! GO HOME – BAKE, KNIT, DO PUZZLES – STOP FUCKING DRIVING!!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
RELIGION
You have to believe in God – if you don’t you get this deep despair that there is nothing or nobody out there looking out for your well being – you are basically “ON YOUR OWN” – what a crappy feeling that is
Joel – the best motivational speaker of this generation – everything he says is positive- you gotta love him or there is something wrong with you
HOW ABOUT THIS
WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS TOLD I WOULD GET A BLACK SPOT ON MY TONGUE IF I TOLD A LIE – I WAS ALWAYS TERRIFIED TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR – HOW EFFED UP IS THAT?
YOU CANNOT CHEW COMMUNION BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE CHEWING ON JESUS HIMSELF
AS PUNISHMENT FOR MISBEHAVING AT CHURCH I HAD TO KNEEL ON RICE
I DON’T WANT TO SHAKE YOUR HAND TO OFFER PEACE – WHY, SO YOU CAN GIVE ME THE FINGER IN THE PARKING LOT WHEN I TRY TO PULL OUT OF A PARKING SPOT
Joel – the best motivational speaker of this generation – everything he says is positive- you gotta love him or there is something wrong with you
HOW ABOUT THIS
WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS TOLD I WOULD GET A BLACK SPOT ON MY TONGUE IF I TOLD A LIE – I WAS ALWAYS TERRIFIED TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR – HOW EFFED UP IS THAT?
YOU CANNOT CHEW COMMUNION BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE CHEWING ON JESUS HIMSELF
AS PUNISHMENT FOR MISBEHAVING AT CHURCH I HAD TO KNEEL ON RICE
I DON’T WANT TO SHAKE YOUR HAND TO OFFER PEACE – WHY, SO YOU CAN GIVE ME THE FINGER IN THE PARKING LOT WHEN I TRY TO PULL OUT OF A PARKING SPOT
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
MY THOUGHTS
STOP CALLING ME MA’AM – I’M NOT EFFIN 90 YEARS OLD
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME – I’M 52 – I STOPPED CARING AT 21
THIS IS FOR MY COUSIN – I DIDN’T TOUCH THE FUCKING HEAT/AIR CONDITIONER – WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG DOES TO OPEN 100 FRIGGING BABY GIFTS?
IF I STOPPED BREATHING HERE AT WORK I DON’T THINK ANYONE WOULD RECUSSITATE ME – HOW SAD IS THAT?
IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD TODAY ABOUT THE ELECTION I AM MOVING TO BORA BORA – I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT A HAMBURGER IS 16 DOLLARS.
THE PERFECT PARTY – ARRIVE LATE
BRING NOTHING
COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOOD BUT EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT
LEAVE EARLY
DON’T INVITE ME IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE CRAP FOOD
(i.e., hamburgers, hotdogs, effin potato salad and macaroni salad – I can get that from pathmark)
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME – I’M 52 – I STOPPED CARING AT 21
THIS IS FOR MY COUSIN – I DIDN’T TOUCH THE FUCKING HEAT/AIR CONDITIONER – WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG DOES TO OPEN 100 FRIGGING BABY GIFTS?
IF I STOPPED BREATHING HERE AT WORK I DON’T THINK ANYONE WOULD RECUSSITATE ME – HOW SAD IS THAT?
IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD TODAY ABOUT THE ELECTION I AM MOVING TO BORA BORA – I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT A HAMBURGER IS 16 DOLLARS.
THE PERFECT PARTY – ARRIVE LATE
BRING NOTHING
COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOOD BUT EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT
LEAVE EARLY
DON’T INVITE ME IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE CRAP FOOD
(i.e., hamburgers, hotdogs, effin potato salad and macaroni salad – I can get that from pathmark)
Monday, October 27, 2008
RESTAURANT PROBLEMS
Why is it that most restaurants are so stingy with shrimp? Its ridiculous – I went to a place last night and asked “How many shrimp do I get” She said “8” – what the hell am I going to do with 8?
See how effed up this is – Go to a restaurant and order water – the waiter’s response is “We only serve bottled water.” So, I had to go into the bathroom and get tap water.
Another problem – hot food – my daughter hates when I do the following food check:
When you bring me my food it better be hot – which means I touch the whole meal with my finger – if its cold I don’t want it – period – end of story.
Diet Coke issues – Why do places fill up glasses with 50% ice – its fuking winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO ICE – GET IT – NO ICE
Chinese Restaurants – STOP HOVERING OVER ME – HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EAT – I’M TAKING MY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WALK IN THE DOOR AND THE CHECK IS ALREADY WRITTEN!
See how effed up this is – Go to a restaurant and order water – the waiter’s response is “We only serve bottled water.” So, I had to go into the bathroom and get tap water.
Another problem – hot food – my daughter hates when I do the following food check:
When you bring me my food it better be hot – which means I touch the whole meal with my finger – if its cold I don’t want it – period – end of story.
Diet Coke issues – Why do places fill up glasses with 50% ice – its fuking winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO ICE – GET IT – NO ICE
Chinese Restaurants – STOP HOVERING OVER ME – HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EAT – I’M TAKING MY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WALK IN THE DOOR AND THE CHECK IS ALREADY WRITTEN!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Black Lab 10-21-2008
On friday I had the distinct pleasure of spending time with my sister and brother-in-law's black lab - Jake - one day i swear that dog will speak - i think he has more sense than some humans - I need to spend a few minutes alone with him so i can really get into his head and vice versa-although i think being in my head would be a scary place for him.
There is something about this dog that has endeared himself to me - as i usually don't like animals. He takes great joy in seeing me - which is more than I can say for anyone - there is a innocence and maturity about this dog that i often find myself wanting one for myself. That would probably be a mistake as i don't have the time to train him/her.
There is something about this dog that has endeared himself to me - as i usually don't like animals. He takes great joy in seeing me - which is more than I can say for anyone - there is a innocence and maturity about this dog that i often find myself wanting one for myself. That would probably be a mistake as i don't have the time to train him/her.
Friday, October 17, 2008
KEVORKIAN & STUFF 10-17-2008
Kevorkian is a saint and should be canonized. I wonder how much flak i will get from making that statement. Doesn't matter to me - unless you've watched a spouse suffer like an animal from cancer you really shouldn't have an opinion.
It still baffles me why he is in jail. Lets take a poll of all the men and women who have advanced cancer and see what they think. How about the guy who just shot his wife - she was 88 and dying of cancer - he's a hero.
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